Okay boys, we have a problem. We outnumber the women, and most of the ones out there don’t like to post. So we have to overcome those odds. How ?
First off, if you’re going to answer ads, remember one thing: responses which offer no information do not prompt most women to write back. If a woman gets a response that says nothing but, “Hi I’m interested write me,” she will most likely toss it out; not only does such a response make you sound dull and uninteresting, but she’s probably got a half-dozen other letters to answer. If your response doesn’t communicate clearly who you are, what kind of guy you are, and why you’re interested in her, why should she bother with you?
Keep in mind: women who post ads usually get a bunch of responses. To get the lady’s attention, you’re going to have to work hard to sound interesting.
Now, the fact is that I’ve heard from guys who’ve written and told me they had success answering ads. I heard from at least one guy who answered just one ad, and subsequently wound up getting engaged to the lady. But the fact of the matter is that your odds are an order of magnitude better if you actually post an ad.
Remember, most women don’t post ads! So the most wonderful woman in the world may be out there scanning for ads looking for someone just like you, but because you never advertised, she will never find you. Most women don’t post ads, and the girl of your dreams may be one of them. If you want her to find you, post an ad!
And when you do post an ad, try to keep the following in mind:
Follow all the advice I have given so far. It’s all very important.
Don’t sound desperate. This actually goes for both sexes, but especially for men. The old rule is very true: the harder you look for a girlfriend, the harder one will be to find. Be patient, and avoid sounding pathetic, excessively horny, or desperate. It will not help.
Be patient. One ad may net you no responses at all. If you’re extremely lucky as a man, you may get as many as a dozen responses. More likely, you will get from one to three.
Post in more than one place. There are many venues out there on the Usenet and on the World Wide Web which are free and easy to use. Use as many of them as possible! If you post your ad to the Usenet, be sure to post it in every group that might apply — for straights, I recommend posting in alt.personals, alt.personals.ads, alt.personals.misc, and any regional news group nearby. And if you post an ad on the Web, be sure to place it in more than one service. Remember, the more coverage you have, the more likely is that your special someone will see it: you are, on average, ten times more likely to get good responses if you place an ad in ten places than if you place it in just one.
Be prepared to post your ad repeatedly. Do NOT expect one ad to get you lots of responses. Instead, prepare yourself for a bit of a wait. Post your ad in several places, and then wait see what happens. Wait a couple of weeks, and post it again. You may want to “tweak” or fine tune it each time you re-post it. If you aren’t getting many responses, you may want to re-write it. But in any case, keep posting it until you get a response.
When you do get a response, don’t stop posting your ad. Remember, one response means nothing. Until you’ve gotten to the point where you’re seeing each other regularly, or at least writing to each other daily and talking on the phone a lot, you should keep posting your ad. Never invest too much in any one person until you have a good reason to believe that it’s going somewhere.
Don’t post your ad too often in the same place. This may seem a contradiction, but it’s not. If people see ad after ad from you, you may look desperate or stupid, or at least annoying. Also, if you’re using the Usenet, it can take as long as two weeks for a message to be completely distributed to all Usenet sites, so don’t post much more often than that. Posting a new ad once every ten to fourteen days seems the most reasonable schedule.
Ultimately, you need to remember that the audience for personal ads is not static, and no one response to an ad means much. An enormous number of women read personal ads, but some only do it once in a while. Even those who read regularly might not notice your ad the first few times it appears. A woman may be interested in your ad but not be able to work up the courage to answer it — but if she sees your it enough times, she may finally work up the courage to respond. If she does answer, she may lose interest. This is just like any other way of meeting people — keep exploring your options and trying, patiently and persistently, until you hook the right lady.
TO SUM IT ALL UP: write a good, creative, intelligent, and thoughtful ad that’s specific about what you do and don’t want. Take all the space you need to get it right, but don’t ramble; remember that too long is as bad as too short. Post it every couple of weeks in several different places, tweaking it now and then, and trying various experiments to see what works and doesn’t. Keep posting ads until you are positive you’ve got a serious relationship going with someone. And most of all, just be patient, with yourself and others.
Copyright 1995 and 1996 by Dean Esmay
Place a FREE personal ads now !
