Most of us have different levels of confidence. I’m sure you have met a variety of confident types. I’m just as sure, that all of us have had our own confidence shaken once or twice. I know I have.
In relationships most of us have different degrees of confidence. There were times I felt like I could do no wrong and other times I couldn’t do anything right. The ups and downs of relationships are still a mystery to me. I don’t have all the answers, but most of us have in common some the same feelings: the hope when you see someone you can’t take your eyes off of; the anticipation of being on a first date; the moment when you kiss; the bliss of love; and also: the slap when someone says no; the hopelessness when someone walks away, the emptiness when someone you love cheats on you and so on. We all have been their.
What happens when the worse has happen to you. I can give you a glimpse of the male’s perspective. You are in love. She is everything you could want. She’s beautiful, sexy, and makes you feel alive. You can’t wait to be with her or near her. You are on top of the world and life couldn’t be better. Then she walks away. No amount of begging will bring her back. The signs of her leaving were probably there, but you were too in love to see them. You cry, you drink, cry some more and the emptiness won’t go away. You are lost.
Then there is the guy who drinks a case a beer, cries for a night, says the hell with it then parties the next night. This over exuberant soul creates such a whirlwind he leaves himself no time to grieve or to contemplate his state of loss. When he crashes, his recovery is usually a tough road.
For me, the old adage that time heals, had value. I had no desire to go clubbing. I was lonely, still grieving and didn’t have the confidence to get back in to the dating world again. As time went on, I found a comfortable, yet boring routine. I wanted to date again, but the thought of it would give me flash backs of unpleasant moments. Sigh, loneliness was becoming my friend.
Online dating was something I heard about and decided to check it out. I was tired of watching reruns on TV. It didn’t take long to search out the many dating sites available on the net. I searched, researched, and joined. I was slowly and comfortably getting involved again.
I could sit at home in my sweats, converse with ladies online, and not have to face a crowd in a smoky bar room if a lady said “no”. Yet, the no’s were rare online. This was not a face to face ritual, but me on my keyboard and her on her keyboard that gave us both the needed space to get acquainted. It was fun, relaxing and a confidence booster. Yes, I’ll say it again, a confidence booster.
How can online dating boost your confidence versus traditional dating?
It has to do with vulnerability. Think about it. If you just lost your confidence, would you rather face a lady in a crowd of others, or at home while using MSN chat or email. After a huge letdown, most of us struggle with the thought of going out in the harsh dating world were appearance is premium versus the power of words and feelings you converse online. Whatever your state of mind may be at that moment, you can find another person online feeling as you do. That’s hard to find in a smoky bar room under the influence of alcohol.
Eventually my confidence did return to an adequate level to venture out to the dance clubs. I had online dating to thank for that. For a while, I was playing in both worlds and saw some stark difference in what was real and what was not. Both have their pitfalls, but eventually I realized that the typical dating world had many more masks and traps that was not present in the online world. That’s another article.
For now, I just want to say if you have lost your confidence because of a relationship disaster, give your self time to heal and see if you can find yourself again by joining a good online dating site. I guarantee you will find your confidence again and if you are lucky, like me, you will find the love of your love.
