I was out with some friends a few weeks ago, and I was talking with my friend’s wife about my recent dating experiences. She is a relationship therapist, and we regularly talk about our opinions on dating and male-female dynamics. She gives me the “textbook” or more formal point of view, while I hit her with a more informal but real-life opinion. We often disagree, but that’s the fun of it. I love hearing how things “should” be, and watching for the gap between that and reality.
We were talking about the possibilities in the bar we were in (a trendy San Francisco bar called Palominos, where the most beautiful women gather after hours.) My friend – I’ll call her Rose for the sake of this article – started to pick out women she thought I would be interested in long-term.
(Mind you, she also ignored the fact that I had just said that I wasn’t interested in marriage, only dating around. More on this in a minute.)
I would just pick women by appearance, pretty much at random. The typical male approach, right ? We get interested by what we see. Appearance is what we use initially to pick our targets. It’s not because we’re superficial (as many women like to say), but that we’ve been programmed by evolution to size up a woman based on her ability to demonstrate her physical health and ability to bear young. Typically we see this in a body of certain proportions, good hips/large breasts, good teeth, white eyes, etc.
Now after I picked a woman out of the crowd, my friend Rose took a look at her and said, “Oh, no. High maintenance. You don’t want her.”
This stopped me in my tracks.
How did she know that she was high-maintenance just by looking at her, and for only a second longer than I had ?
I stopped for a second and double-checked the woman I had picked. Sure enough, after watching her behavior, I started to understand how she could be thought of as high-maintenance.
First, she was very rigid in her posture. She had a serious look on her face. And even when she smiled to her friend, it looked a bit strained, like she was trying to keep up an appearance. Plus, she looked as if she’d spent about two hours on her appearance. Overall, she just looked like she wasn’t very FLEXIBLE. I could imagine taking her out somewhere and hearing her nitpick about the unimportant details.
Sure, this may have been a case of judging a book by its cover, but you know what I’ve noticed? Most people can be sized up pretty quickly by their “cover.” Sad but true. We just don’t trust our intuition as much as we should.
Then, Rose pointed out another gal. “Her,” she said. “That one is low-maintenance.”
I checked this gal out, and she was even attractive to the eye. (The first thing a man notices.) Then I watched her a little longer and noticed that she also gave off an easy-going aura. She seemed to laugh freely and un-self-consciously. her body movements were relaxed and calm, not uptight and controlled. She was dressed nice, but it didn’t look like she had to spend a couple hours applying make-up and picking out just the right clothes.
Her cover wasn’t as slick and polished as the last woman’s, but something in my gut told me she was much more relaxed and probably easier to talk to. Low maintenance.
Now, I’m sure I would have been able to figure out even more about these two women if I’d had a chance to talk to them both as well. Still, it was an eye-opener to see how women are able to pick up on these things in person.
Now the lesson here is two-fold :
1) Women are incredibly good at reading body language and interpreting a person by the way they behave. If you think you can sneak past a woman’s defenses, you’re nuts. She’ll sniff you out faster than old pork in a trash can in summer. You’ve got to learn how to carry yourself around women of all ages and experience levels.
Why ? Because she will be able to figure out in a few short minutes what you’re really made of. And, even if she isn’t quite as good at describing the reasons why she thinks you’re whatever she makes of you, she will FEEL it. And she’ll trust that feeling for all it’s worth.
2) You can pick up on these signals, too. Women are intuitive and perceptive about these things, but it’s a skill you can learn as well. The signals are subtle, yet understandable. You can save yourself a lot of pain by reading a woman’s visual cues to tell you about her personality and what kind of a woman she is.
(I’ll also be giving you guys a peek at a method that you can use to not only meet more women, but read their personalities in just a few minutes with them. I’m practicing it in the field now and I’ll tell you more when I’ve completed my analysis.)
As a side-note, I also noticed that certain women who are married are not satisfied with just settling down one man – the one they marry. Oh, no. They want to get every man they know married and locked down, too. Especially the more aggressive women like to do this. They suddenly frown on the singles behavior they were once a part of.
Rose is a great gal, but a bit dominating. When it comes to other men she knows, I would guess that she tries to get them hooked up and married as quickly as possible, too. She got her man, and he’s wrapped nicely around her little finger – just where they both like him.
I’ve seen her personality at work in variations of other women as well. They feel successful with men to the degree that they feel they’ve managed to bring us under control, like wild horses they’ve broken. They really thrive on the challenge. Not all women demonstrate this behavior, but it’s interesting when it appears.
And, of course, they would never see their behavior this way. They would say that they are only trying to “help” their friends get connected, and to a great degree that’s a large part of the motive. Underneath it, though, are some alternate motives. Just an observation, and I’ll let you make up your own mind on that.
Beware of your own challenge mechanism, too. You’ll find yourself motivated and influenced by challenges that occur in your own life, and you’ll also find that a woman’s challenges can throw off your seductions as well. Learn to watch for those times when you feel “compelled” to do something, or you find yourself “unable to control” your actions. Those are a good clue that your own challenge mechanism is being worked, and you might not even notice it.
There are many things you need to stay observant of while you’re learning. In fact, your learning is the one thing you must take ownership of so that you observe and practice the right behaviors.
You see, you’re going to do one of two things when it comes to meeting women and seduction :
- Learn because you had the sense to invest in your own development or because you end up getting the crap kicked out of you by the women out there, or
- NEVER learn – and suffer for the rest of your life.
Do you see how important it is not to shrug this off and pretend you’ve got it under control ?
It’s a denial, and it’s one that could keep you locked in a prison that keeps you from getting the success you deserve.
And the worst part ?
You might not even KNOW you are missing out until you open your mind and eyes and take a look.
And I’m not talking about learning some weird voodoo ritual that hypnotizes her with special magic words – because THEY DON’T EXIST! Beware of the snake oil out there that promises you INSTANT success with women. That only happens in porn movies and with hookers.
I’ve been out there for a long time, getting knocked around the head, and it got pretty painful at times. I don’t know where I came up with the strength to keep trying sometimes, but I did. One thing I promised myself as I was going through the effort was that if I was able to figure this out, I’d have to pass the information along to my friends, and fellow Don Juans all over the world.
You need to have this information, and I know there’s a part of you that may be afraid.
Yes, AFRAID. You see, as men, we’ve been brainwashed into thinking that we should already know everything we need to attract women. And if we don’t, we’re losers. So we pretend we know what we’re doing and avoid getting the knowledge that we know will helps us. Don’t let pride keep you from getting the sex you deserve!
We’ve also been taught that if we’re not successful with women, it’s THEIR fault. “I just can’t understand WOMEN.” “WOMEN are so different.” “I just don’t get why WOMEN act so strangely.” “She must be a lesbian.”
No, she’s probably NOT a lesbian, dude. (As much as you may hope to watch her with another woman.)
The truth is that women are acting just fine. Women consistently misbehave in ways we can analyze and understand. We men are simply not learning enough about THEIR motivations, or what actually is going on beneath the surface.
That’s where The Seduction Method comes in. Imagine getting 300 pages of top-quality advice and in-depth strategies to turn your game around with women. Wouldn’t that be the ultimate addition to any man’s library?
If there’s one book in the world you would love to have, wouldn’t it be this ? Learning how to finally get your dating and sex life under YOUR control.
Forget Tom Clancy for a week or two – because all the submarine statistics in the world are not going to get you laid.
You’ve always hoped there was a book like this available, and now there is. And you can download it TODAY.
Carlos Xuma
Author for Seduction Method ebook
