Making the First Move

 

Question and Answer with relationship expert Dr Dennis

 
Ok, so you’ve been on three dates together
and you’re ready for something a little bit more, er, “mature”. How
do you go about making that first move? This article will explore
that important,
terrifying

step.

 

Men: unless you’re James Bond (by the way – you’re not!) she
probably isn’t going to excuse herself and “slip into something more
comfortable”. If she does, it’s probably going to be some flannel
pajamas, slippers, and a bathrobe – a sign that she’s ready for you
to leave!

 

Women expect that you know when to make your move. Further, they
expect you to be sophisticated and smooth about it. Clumsy, boyish
behavior doesn’t fit with her image of being “swept off her feet”,
and you don’t really want this critical step to end in laughter!

 

The Rules

 

First, let’s explore the rules for The First Move:

 

1) Women control the speed of the relationship – and the sex –
not men.
2) Women know if they’ll sleep with you within 5 minutes
of meeting you.
3) Even if a woman does go out with you, she
won’t tell you if she plans to sleep with you or not!
4) Women
will usually NOT make the first move.
5) If you don’t make the
right move at the right time, the women will usually think you’re
weak, an oaf, gay, or just not interested.
6) Women and men view
sex differently – women use sex to bond and create intimacy, men use
sex to decide if they want to get more intimate.

 

How to Make That “First Move” (for Men):

 

Because of the rules stated above, you have to be somewhat
careful of when and where to make your move. You want this to appear
spontaneous, and, with the right preparation – you can! These seem
to go against each other – prepare to be spontaneous? Yes – remember
the 7 “P’s”: “Prior, Proper Planning Prevents Piss-Poor
Performance!”

 

Give some thought to your moves before using them. This will help
to make them appear more comfortable and therefore spontaneous. So,
with that introduction, here are the steps:

 

1) Be sure you’re ready – once you begin, you can’t go
back!
Just like that move when you were in High School where you
stretch and your arm “just happens” to wind up around your date’s
shoulder. Also, do you have a condom? You don’t? Then forget it!
Remember: “No glove – NO LOVE!”

 

2) Be reasonably sure she’s ready.
How do you know she’s
ready? You can’t really be 100 percent sure, but you can get pretty
close if you just pay attention. First, is she using the right body
language? For example:
* Touching you both accidentally and on
purpose
* Sitting or leaning against you
* Looking right into
your eyes, examining your face – especially your mouth
* Leaning
toward you as you speak?
* Using an “open posture” – arms
uncrossed; legs open, or if crossed, not excluding you?
* Playing
with her hair, exposing her palms and wrists to you?
Also, has
she just told you she has an early-morning meeting, or has relatives
staying at her place? She is probably telling you that this isn’t
the right time. In short, be open to clues.

 

3) Make sure you’re in the right place.
Once you get things
started, you don’t want to have to stop and drive somewhere else.
Why not get there and then make your move – you’ll keep things from
cooling off – and possibly a change of heart. Also, make sure that
you’re in a private setting – even if you’re in the back seat of
your car. Nothing spoils the mood like someone watching (well,
unless you both are into that!)

 

4) Plan plenty of time
Having an appointment in 30 minutes
isn’t going to create a romantic atmosphere. Be sure you have enough
time to really spend getting you both ready.

 

5) Have a proper “build-up”
You don’t want to show up at her
door, walk in and start putting on the moves. Poor form old buddy!
Plan a simple, but romantic date. Don’t go to the movies or the
theatre – you need time to talk and establish a connection.

 

6) Ready? Ok, let’s go
So, what’s the first thing you should
do? Get your confidence up. Wait for a comfortable break in the
conversation. Then, take her hands in yours, draw her close to you
and gently kiss her on the lips. Don’t shove your tongue down her
throat, and don’t kiss her like she’s your grandmother. Make it
linger just a little too long, and give her a chance to respond. You
might also want to offer a back or foot massage – these are almost
impossible to resist!

 

7) When she’s ready to move, she’ll usually let you know
But,
what if she doesn’t? Some women let you take charge when they’re
ready. You can start by kissing her neck and gently nibbling on her
lower lip. Brush your nose gently around hers. Explore her neck and
face with yours. Run your hands around her back, then slowly to her
ass. Note her reactions.

 

8) Don’t go for the “goodies” until you’ve spent some time
earning them!
If you’re in a hurry to get her out of her clothes,
she’ll assume that you’re just as fast at everything else. Let
things build on their own – at their own pace. Let them move along
slowly, don’t force them – or get in the way of them either!

 

How to Make That “First Move” (for Women):

 

Frankly, this is a lot easier for women. You probably already
know what to do. Here’s a checklist:

 

1) Make sure you’re ready.
If you’re trying to seduce him just
because you’re afraid of losing him, you’re not in the best place
and should reconsider. Also, you should carry condoms on you.
Remember – you both are responsible for preventing the spread of
disease and unwanted children!

 

2) Don’t worry about him – he’s ready!

 

3) Ask him to go some place more private – like your place
You
don’t really need to go into anything more than this – the
invitation is all that’s necessary.

 

4) Let him know that you’re ready
If you’re not comfortable
just telling him (few women are!), let him know in other ways. Use
open body language, get close to him and use physical contact, lay
your head on this chest, use eye contact, talk “sex”, etc.

 

5) Important – give the conversation a break!
This is the most
often missed aspect of the first move. If he is politely listening
to you and you go on and on without a break – where’s he supposed to
jump in? If you’re nervous, this is especially difficult. Just try
to be aware of your conversation.

 

6) There is nothing wrong with you making the first move
You
absolutely can put your hands on either side of his face and kiss
him. In fact, some men actually wait for this because they don’t
know when to make a move themselves. You can even tell him that
you’re ready.

 

7) Feeling bold?
I’ve had many women tell me that they were
ready by standing up and stripping for me, or take off their blouse
and turn to walk into the bedroom. I mean, how obvious do you need
to get? If this doesn’t work for him, you’ve got the wrong guy!

 

8) Help him along
This is a strange thing to say, but many
women don’t understand that their men might not know what to do – or
at least what you like. If you don’t tell him (or subtly show him),
how’s he going to know? Believe me, men don’t read minds!

 
First-Sex Etiquette

 

Many people don’t know what to do after the first sexual
experience with a new partner. At least the first time, don’t plan
to spend the night. Why not? If you do, you’ll probably need your
regular things for the morning – toothbrush, deodorant, denture
cream, (just kidding!), etc. If you whip out the over-night kit, all
of your work making this a spontaneous event will be lost.

 

Also, don’t just jump up grab your clothes and bolt! Spend some
time cuddling or at least telling stories and having a laugh. This
doesn’t have to be deep and intimate – just spend some time saying
that you enjoyed each other. You might want to grab some dessert out
of the fridge, or watch the end of an old movie. Men – if you want
an encore performance, this step is critical!

 

Finally, have fun! This isn’t the end – it’s the beginning!