The Test
Whew! The first date was tough. The second was easier . and more
fun. The third found you in bed with her. Somehow after 3
more dates, you two are a couple. Now, something has come up that
directly affects or might even prevent your relationship from moving
forward . what do you do?
Why Can’t a Woman Be More Like A Man ?
From birth, women begin studying relationships. This continues the rest
of their lives. Men on the other hand get very little relationship training
before “hitting the field”. When relationship issues come
up, women expect men to handle them at a woman. s level. Frankly,
men just don. t have the tools to do this. So, they end up
making a bad situation worse, committing to more than they wanted to
or worse yet, lying.
“The Test”
“The Test” is that unexpected, unexplained, quirky situation
inflicted on a man by a woman right about this time in the new
relationship. It can take many forms . from not calling when she
promised, to “forgetting” a date, to pulling something so egregious
that it knocks the man right off his chair.
Make no mistake about it . women learn to “test” their men from very early
in their relationship training. Think not? My friend, then you
just the kind of guy that walks in front of the target! “The Test”
is so pervasive in the dating world that it is even looked at
with humor. In fact, it is so common that most people (men AND women)
don. t even realize that it happens! You. ve seen movies
and television, read books and articles, etc. where it is dealt with
as “that cute situation” a man is placed in order to win his
woman.
Do men test women ? Yes . it sometimes happens, but not very often. The reasons
for this are: 1) Men don. t really know how to test women;
2) The Test is designed to pre-qualify a love interest, and frankly,
men aren. t choosy in the same ways as women; and 3) Men use
other techniques to win their loves; and 4) Men often assume (incorrectly!)
that women think the same way they do. When men DO test
women, it is usually because of a low self-image or they don. t
really have an interest in the woman in the first place. Women test
because of a desire to be with the “right” man (Mr. Right)!
Women want men that can pass their tests. This shows them that their
man is strong and capable and worthy of their affection. Fail the
test and you. re either going to get more tests, or lose the
woman altogether.
Recognizing The Test
How do you know when you. re being tested? Frankly it can be difficult
. unless you pay very close attention. I recommend that men
ask themselves first, “does this event make sense in the context of
the situation?” and second, “would my best friend do this same thing?”
If your answer is “no” to these questions you. re probably
being tested.
Tests take many forms but they all have the same pattern. If you
can begin to recognize the patterns, you will see the tests when
they come. Here are the things to look for:
- Something that seems totally out of
context for her based on previous behavior - Something that seems totally out of
context for the situation - Your reaction (or lack of one) will
likely lead to a critical relationship “event” or other drama - You are being expected to “jump through a
hoop” unnecessarily or for no apparent reason - If you don. t react, you. re likely to loose respect by her, or
by others that she includes in your test
There are far too many examples of tests to
cover them all here. For specifics check my website at:www.remingtonpublications.com. Suffice it to say that, if an unexpected situation meets
any or all of the above, you. re probably getting The
Test.
Passing The Test
Tests are not problems to be solved. They are situations created
to determine how you will react. Thus, try to keep in mind the
following:
- You. re not in the relationship to cater
to her whims - You deserve respect and consideration in
all of your dealings with her - You can expect that she will support you
and not cause you to look bad in front of your friends, family,
co-workers, etc. - If you get angry, or loose your head,
you. ll fail the test - Your goal is to deal with it and put the
impetus on HER . let her next action be the deciding one! - Resolve up front to walk away things aren. t resolved
satisfactorily.
